Friday, May 3, 2013

F*%k That Friday: The Boot

Spring has FINALLY sprung in New York, and I'm furious.  While you people are all "whee yay outdoor fun things!" I'm dragging a ski boot behind me.  

I look happy about having the boot here, but I'm not.  I'm just under the influence.

Now granted, as injuries go, this one is by no means debilitating.  I'm even allowed to take off the boot and exercise!  But that doesn't mean that aren't a great many things that suck about the boot.  And in honor of F*%k That Friday, I will enumerate them here:

1. Exercise.  Yes, fine, I can take the boot off and put spin shoes on and go to SoulCycle to get my sweat fix.  And yes, my father did feel badly enough for my sidelined ass that he gifted me with my very own spin shoes, so that while I ride out (literally...) this injury, I'm not doing it in shoes someone else has sweat in.  But as mentioned above, it's finally nice out.  I would much rather be outdoors than locked inside a dark spin studio.  Which brings us to the other "fitness" option I've explored...

2. Walking.  This is not exercise.  It's not at all like running very slowly. It's totally different.  And far less awesome.  First of all, I don't sweat doing it.  Second of all, I have to keep my head down while I'm doing it because I'm too embarrassed to make eye contact with the runners in the Park.  I'm one of you, you know!  Stop judging me!

3. Other walking.  So beyond walking for "fitness," I do it to, like, get to work and back everyday.  For these excursions, I wear the boot and not my sneakers, because that's the point of the boot, right?  In 2-plus weeks of doing this, I have really developed my right ass cheek.  Furthermore, all my left shoes are getting worn down.

4. Navigating bars.  You would think I would have found a solution to this problem on day 2, but sadly, this bulky boot makes it very challenging to get myself around inside a crowded bar.  And because my foot is far away from my tits face where people are looking, no one I talk to while I'm out on the town even notices my injury and offers to go to the bar and procure a drink for me.  Shit's rude.

5. My actual recovery.  My foot feels the same as it did the day I went into this thing.  

In summation, a surgical boot?  F*%k That!


6 comments:

  1. #4 made me snort. I think it's time to decoupage that shit! It could be a girls night!

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  2. I'm glad you've got a sense of humor about the whole thing!

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  3. For the bar problem, how about a special t-shirt. Maybe something creative that refers to "...my boo...that has an arrow pointing down on the left side and has the "bs" crossed out on the end with a "t" inserted?

    For walking as exercise, maybe dress up in a gorilla suit or Cookie Monster like the guy in Times Sq and you'll be unrecognizable as well as sweaty.

    Can you donate all your left shoes to someone who has the same problem with the right side and get them worn evenly? There must be an app for that.

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  4. Meant to say opposite foot, but you get the idea.

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  5. I came across your blog through another blog and I am totally in, not just because you love running and beer, BUT because you have to wear a boot and I just got my own boot buddy on Friday! I too have a stress fracture at the exact same place you do, 3rd metatarsal, right foot. I am looking forward to my awesome right ass cheek and worn down left shoe. What a bummer, no free drinks from sympathetic bar patrons. I have not visited a bar since I got the boot, but I will. I hope you come up with some way of gaining sympathy, I'll surely utilize it.
    Good luck!!! I wish you a speedy recovery!

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